Triangulate Joy: Three Keys to Happiness

Triangulate joy. This phrase was hovering in my consciousness as I surfaced from sleep the other morning.

 It continued to nudge the edges of my brain while I made coffee.

During breakfast, a bit more of the idea emerged.

Three points to happiness. Okay.

Could a subject that has inspired countless self-help books and been obsessed over for the last century at least really be simplified into three points?

What are the three points?

By the time I sat down at my computer, I had hit on these:   

1. Care for others

2. Care for self

3. Care for dreams 

It seemed to me that while there are a million things to be wrangled and reckoned with in between, the weight-bearing points on this triangle of joy came down to these three things.

Care for Others

When we care for others, whether friends, family, or strangers, we tap into all that makes us human and we insulate ourselves to a degree from life’s hardships. Generous behavior releases all the feel-good chemicals in our brains—serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin—amplifying happiness.

Neuroscientists at the National Institutes of Health studied brain scans and found that when the volunteers placed the interests of others before their own, the reward centers in the brain were activated.

Generosity can take many forms. Whether it’s volunteering, making charitable donations, helping a neighbor or stranger, or caring for a family member, the lifting effect extends to our own experience.

Care for Self

While a mani/pedi or some downtime with a facial mask and a cup of tea are certainly valuable for well-being and belong on your calendar, self-care means something beyond #SelfcareSunday. The deeper meaning is kindness toward oneself, refraining from self-judgment, and practicing self-compassion.

A study conducted by the Educational Psychology Department at the University of Texas at Austin found that self-compassion had a significant positive impact on happiness, optimism, wisdom, personal initiative, curiosity, and exploration. It also correlated with a decrease in neuroticism.

The authors of the study defined self-compassion as being kind toward oneself in instances of pain or failure, perceiving one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience, and holding painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness.

 According to psychology and mental health researcher Elizabeth Hopper, PhD, “self-care is always an important habit to practice, but it can be particularly valuable when we’re under stress or when we’re hearing about negative events happening to others.” So in challenging times like we’re experiencing now, it’s particularly important.

Care for Dreams

Curiosity, plans, ambitions, hopes, the ideas that refuse to be pushed aside, these are the things of which dreams are made.

Our dreams are not just fanciful ideas. They matter immensely. Dreams are the things that motivate us to learn more, to challenge ourselves, to find our courage, to grow, and to achieve; all things necessary for happiness. Our dreams are life itself.

When we’re young, our dreams underpin the map of our future. But at some point, the details of life may intervene, closing off one avenue or another. It’s up to us to find alternate routes.

Care for your dreams. Don’t let roadblocks or detours stop your progress. And never leave your dreams unattended; they can’t survive on their own.

“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.” -Anais Nin